The Open Road

I took a spontaneous trip to Bluffton Saturday night. I got to see both of my siblings, so my whole family was together! This is a rare occasion in the Hieronimus household. Us kids think we can grow up and live our own lives or something away from home...psh. I also got to spend a lot of time with my mom. It was so great to fill her in on some stories from the school year and hear her words of wisdom. Moms are so good at that stuff. Anyway, I love her to the moon and back times two. She really is the best.

It's a good thing I love driving so much because I've been doing a whole lot of that so far this summer. Aside from the speed limits, wearing a seat belt, and staying in the lines, something about my yellow Chevy hitting the open highway with the windows down is so freeing. I love knowing that, with enough coffee and gasoline, I could go just about anywhere in the country. I also love the alone time driving allows. Driving gives me the opportunity to just be. Of course I remain alert enough to know my surroundings (as I am operating heavy machinery), but I don't have to impress, entertain, or enlighten anyone or anything in those moments. My listening selections for the weekend included children's worship music to prepare for VBS, the Cincinnati Reds, NPR, and a few Ted Talks. Clearly I get these characteristics from my dad. I remember countless drives with him listening to Click & Clack on Car Talk, baseball, or classical music. I am my father's daughter.

I did, however, listen to a song that was very important to me this school year. First semester was, by no means, an easy semester. I remember hearing a song by Meredith Andrews called "Not For a Moment" and knew it would quickly become extremely meaningful. The chorus of the song goes like this:

After all, you are constant

After all, you are only good

After all, you are sovereign

Not for a moment will you forsake me

I hate to admit it, but those words were all qualities I was doubting that God possessed. For the first time, I felt like I had to fight to find joy. At the time, I was experiencing changes in my family dynamic, coming to terms that I wouldn't graduate on time, and visiting many doctors to try to fix the chronic pain in my back. I let the waves overwhelm me.

When I heard the song, I knew right away that I needed to meditate on the words. It sounds crazy now, but I listened to the song every single day for the rest of the school year. I listened and prayed that I would believe those words again. As I began to put my trust in the truth of the words and the God I knew, my anxiety lifted and my heart started to feel whole again. 

The reason I'm writing about this now is because as I drove home and listened to this song, I was finally able to sing the words with 100% clarity and assurance. I look back over the year at the moments where I felt so weak and hopeless, and I can now see how God's hand was moving. Like I said, I was so overwhelmed by the waves that I couldn't see Him calming the waters. I know now how foolish it is to doubt the love God has for me. But without that doubt, I wouldn't fully understand the gentle hand that coaxes me back to His presence when I want to run away. 

Not For a Moment - Meredith Andrews

 

xo,

Katie